Summer holiday mental load: how to actually rest

The holidays are meant to rest everyone… but do they really?

In a few weeks: summer. Suitcases, the beach or the mountains, long days without an alarm. On paper, two or three weeks to breathe. In reality, for many parents — and statistically, mostly for mothers — the holidays aren't a break from the mental load. They're another form of it.

According to the Ifop survey run with Bons Plans Voyage (2,000 people, published August 2023), 70% of women end their holidays "much more tired," versus 57% of men, and 53% report being more stressed on their return, versus 39% of men. This is no quirk of temperament: on holiday, the unequal sharing of tasks seen all year long doesn't fade — it often grows.

This isn't another guide on "how to pack well." It's an article about what plays out one level below: the mental suitcase of summer. The one you never see, never put in the trunk, and that weighs on you long before departure and long after the return.

Why holidays don't ease the mental load (they relocate it)

We often imagine that leaving means leaving everything behind. But the mental load isn't attached to a place — it's attached to a role. The parent who thinks of everything at home keeps thinking of everything on the beach. Except that at home, part of the logistics runs on autopilot: the fridge is stocked, the laundry has its place, the routines are set.

On holiday, that safety net disappears. Everything has to be reinvented in an unfamiliar place: where to shop, how to keep the children busy, where to do laundry, what to eat tonight. French sociologist Monique Haicault, who coined the concept of mental load in 1984, described a state of "mental ubiquity": thinking of several things at once, anticipating, coordinating continuously. Holidays don't suspend that ubiquity — they transport it into a setting where nothing is automatic anymore.

That's why a trip can be wonderful and exhausting for the same person. The visible rest (no office, no school) masks an invisible labor that never stops. To understand how this mechanism also works during shorter breaks, see our article on the mental load of school holidays.

The mental suitcase in three stages

The mental load of holidays doesn't fit into the moment of departure alone. It unfolds in three invisible stages, two of which almost always go unnoticed.

Stage 1 — Before: all the piloting that precedes departure

Long before the first suitcase, there's groundwork: choosing the dates, comparing and booking accommodation and transport, organizing July and August — and above all filling the childcare "gaps," those stretches when both parents aren't off at the same time and a solution has to be found for the children. According to a Voyages Pirates survey, over 80% of women feel responsible for the success of the holidays, and for nearly 60% of them, the entire organization rests on their shoulders: planning, bookings, itineraries, packing, meals.

This stage is the most invisible of all. No one "sees" it happen, because it unfolds in your head, in the background, over weeks.

Stage 2 — During: the logistics that don't go on holiday

Once on site, the Ifop figures are unambiguous. Among couples with children:

• The children's suitcase: packed by 71% of mothers, versus 12% of fathers.
• Daily laundry: handled by 72% of mothers, versus 13% of fathers.
• Meals during outings: managed by 53% of mothers, versus 17% of fathers.

Forgotten sunscreen, a comfort blanket left at home, a medication not to miss, dinner to improvise: these are micro-decisions stacking up, feet in the water or not. The mental background noise doesn't switch off just because the scenery changed.

Stage 3 — After: the return and back-to-school

The last stage is the most underestimated. Coming home isn't just arriving: it's packing the return suitcases, running the piled-up laundry, buying school supplies, finding childcare for the end of summer, and restarting every suspended routine. The mental load of back-to-school then adds to an already unequal fatigue — which partly explains why so many women start September in a more depleted physical and psychological state than their partner.

The perception trap: "but it's already shared!"

Here's perhaps the most telling figure from the Voyages Pirates survey. While 66% of women feel they do significantly more than their partner (booking tickets and accommodation, packing — cited by 78% of them — organizing activities on site), 55% of men consider holiday-related tasks to be shared equally in the couple.

This gap isn't (always) bad faith. It's mechanical: you see the execution, not the piloting. What's visible is the suitcase carried to the trunk. What's invisible is the week of thinking that preceded it — knowing what to pack, checking sizes that have changed, remembering the medication, anticipating the weather. As long as this piloting stays in one head, it's invisible to the other — and so, in their eyes, almost non-existent.

It's the exact same mechanism that means sharing tasks doesn't automatically relieve the mother the rest of the year (see our article Mental load in couples). The first step is never to "do less." It's to make visible what's already being carried.

Four levers for genuinely shared holidays

Lever 1 — List the mental suitcase together, before leaving

Sit down for an hour, together, and list every domain of a trip: dates, accommodation, transport, packing, health/pharmacy, meals, activities, return/back-to-school. The simple act of writing these domains down gets them out of your head and in front of the other person. It's the prerequisite for any sharing: you can't divide what's never been named.

Lever 2 — Assign whole domains, not isolated tasks

Once the list is done, assign each domain to a single person, responsible from start to finish. "You pilot transport" (book, check schedules, plan snacks, manage the trip there and back), not "you'll carry the bags." The nuance is invisible but decisive: handing over an execution doesn't free up the head; transferring a piloting does. To dig deeper into this logic, see our guide How to share household tasks.

Lever 3 — The golden rule: whoever doesn't pilot doesn't remind

If you hand the holiday pharmacy to your partner but remind them three times to remember the antihistamine, you haven't shared the load — you've added a layer of management. The protective rule: whoever owns a domain is fully responsible for it, consequences included. It's uncomfortable the first time. It's freeing afterwards.

Lever 4 — Name the imbalance without blaming

The perception gap (55% of men think it's balanced) is rarely fixed by reproach. It's fixed by making things visible. Rather than "you never do anything," try "here's everything I'm piloting for this trip — let's list it and split it." Our guide Talking to your partner about the mental load explains how to open this conversation without it turning into conflict.

And if you're traveling solo?

In a single-parent family, the equation is different: there's no one to transfer a domain to. So the priority isn't to divide (you mechanically can't) but to lighten upstream — choosing options where part of the logistics is already handled, accepting a lower bar on some domains, and calling on your wider circle (family, friends, other parents) without guilt. And above all, don't hand the piloting to your eldest: a child on holiday should stay a child. For concrete levers, see our solo mental load guide. If you're traveling with several families, our article organizing a multi-family trip without stress deals specifically with the "always the same person managing everything" problem.

Where does Mental Loadless fit in?

Mental Loadless won't pack your suitcase for you — no app can. What it does is turn the invisible mental suitcase into named, visible, assignable domains. Rather than yet another shared task list (which leaves the piloting intact), the app lets you map the rails of a trip — dates, accommodation, transport, packing, pharmacy, meals, activities, return — and hand each domain to a single person in the household. For multi-family trips, it also manages the shared calendar, the shared shopping list and the automatic expense split.

The point isn't to add one more app to monitor, but to get the piloting out of your head so it becomes shareable. When every domain has a clear owner, the holidays can finally rest both parents — not just one.

To go further before summer, see also our 7-day protocol to reduce your mental load and our foundational article What is the mental load?.

This summer, share the mental suitcase — not just the bags

Holidays only truly rest those who don't carry the entire piloting alone. As long as the mental suitcase fits in one head, the year's imbalance carries on at the beach — and the return begins with a different fatigue balance depending on who anticipated everything.

The good news is that this piloting can be named, divided and shared. This summer, before you even fill the first bag, take an hour to lay out the list of domains together. You may discover that the heaviest suitcase isn't the one that goes in the trunk.

Sources

• Ifop × Bons Plans Voyage — Couples and the "mental load" during trips and holidays, survey of 2,000 people, August 2023 (children's suitcase 71% vs 12%, laundry 72% vs 13%, meals on outings 53% vs 17%, 70% of women "much more tired" vs 57%, 53% more stressed on return vs 39%).
• Voyages Pirates — Survey on the mental load and holiday organization (80% of women responsible for holiday success, ~60% carry the entire organization, 66% do significantly more, packing 78%, 55% of men judge the split equal).
• Haicault Monique — La gestion ordinaire de la vie en deux, Sociologie du travail, 1984 (concept of mental load and "mental ubiquity").
• France Bleu / Causette — Mental load: women finish holidays less rested than men, according to a study, 2023.